Drop Dead Fred (Review)

Director: Ate de Jong

Company: Polygram Filmed Entertainment, Working Title Films, New Line Cinema

Year: 1991

Country: United States, United Kingdom

Today, I review another cult film…uh-oh.

If Drop Dead Fred succeeds at anything exceptionally well, it's being exceptionally annoying. Despite having garnered a small fan base over the years due to how bizarre and irreverent it is, this film is a chore to watch due to its unlikable characters and scattered plot. Drop Dead Fred was met with mixed to negative reviews upon its release. The movie earned back only $14 million at box office. Its current critic rating on Rotten Tomatoes is at an 'impressive' nine percent. And Gene Siskel stated that it was, "Easily one of the worst films I've ever seen," and was, "made in shockingly bad taste." So with that stated, let's take a dive into this slapstick nightmare.

The film begins with a young girl, Elizabeth (Lizzie) Cronin, being read a fairytale by her mother, Polly, while in bed. When Polly tells her daughter that the story ended happily ever after with the girl marrying the prince, Elizabeth enquires, "How do you know?" Polly says it was because the girl was well behaved, which causes Elizabeth to state, "What a pile of shit!" Charming. I'm sure this movie's opening lines went over well with all the parents and children in the crowd.

After some opening credits, the movie abruptly cuts to 21 years later.  Elizabeth (Phoebe Cates of Gremlins fame) has grown up to be an unhappy adult. She is unsatisfied with her current state in life and strained relationship with her domineering mother. Lizzie has also recently divorced her husband, Charles, who is in love with another woman named Annabella. Shortly after trying to talk with Charles, Lizzie's wallet and car are stolen. On top of it all, Lizzie arrives late for work and loses her job, which causes her to be chewed out by Polly again. Back at her childhood home, Lizzie becomes desperate. She decides to seek help from her childhood imaginary friend, Drop Dead Fred, as a last ditch effort.

Because everyone knows that struggling with depression and having a mental illness is hilarious. 

The titular character reappears when Elizabeth foolishly decides to release him from the jack-in-the-box her mother sealed him away in many years ago. After opening this Pandora's box, Fred proceeds to wreck havoc and crack unfunny jokes. He is an obnoxious hybrid of Beatle Juice/Peewee Herman portrayed by the late British actor, Rik Mayall. However, Lizzie tolerates Fred's potty humor, immature antics, and lewd behavior because he gives her a release from her oppressive mother. Frankly, I'm not seeing how this movie is supposed be funny yet. It's just making me feel kind of sad.

Thanks movie, I don't think I'll be able to sleep for a week now.

Soon after, Fred decides to start accompanying Elizabeth so that they can pull pranks on unaware bystanders and people they dislike, just like old times. The only catch is nobody can see Drop Dead Fred except for Elizabeth. Polly becomes concerned with her daughter's increasingly strange behavior (which includes talking incoherently, sinking her friend's house boat, and pouring wine on herself) and takes her to see a psychiatrist. Lizzie is given a pill prescription to rid herself of thoughts about Fred. But, of course, this doesn't work. As Fred becomes increasingly more crazy and out of control, Lizzie finds him harder and harder to deal with. Too make matters worse, Fred's behavior has began to sabotage the relationship Lizzie is trying to rebuild with Charles.

While Drop Dead Fred desperately tries to be funny and unconventional, the 'humor' in this film either falls flat or, more often than not, either annoys or offends the audience. Without the right balance of lightheartedness and genuinity, a comedy movie about a depressed protagonist is simply not funny. It's mean spirited...That is unless you actually happen to find jokes such as picking boogers, throwing poop at people, and staring up women's skirts funny.

And to think this film is sometimes marketed as a 'family movie.'

The characters are also woefully lacking in development. Polly is either too over the top to be a believable personality or else she is underplayed. Her actions sometimes don't even seem that mean or spiteful. Sure, Polly acts over protectively, but the way Lizzie responds to her mother's concern often just makes her end up looking really immature. (And, yes, I am aware that is probably part of the movie's intent. However, the audience is supposed to sympathize the most with Lizzie.) Phoebe Cates does an ok job considering what she's been given to work with, but Elizabeth spends most of her time moping (which makes the audience feel uncomfortable) or else awkwardly interacting Fred (which also makes the audience squirm in discomfort). As for Drop Dead Fred himself, well…this article has already talked enough about what's wrong with him.

The relationship between Elizabeth and her mother feels flat despite its large role in the story.

Watching his movie was one of the most miserable experiences I've had in a while. Drop Dead Fred is an uneven sloppy mess of a film. The fact that the titular character is introduced as both the film's center of conflict and as Lizzie's savior is an ill advised plot twist. This may have worked in the hands of a more skilled director, but considering Ate de Jong's track record their was no chance of that. Drop Dead Fred is a film at war with itself. It can't decide wether it wants to appeal to children or adults. In the end, it hardly appeals to anyone.

Sometimes it just sucks to be you.

Rating: 1.5

Vampire Hunter D (Review)

Director: Tooyo Ashida

Company: CBS Sony Group Inc., Movic, Ashi Productions

Year: 1985

Country: Japan

Some 'cult classics' are obscure for a good reason.

 The one downside of having a movie blog is that, once in a while, you have watch something really terrible in order to not look like a flakey reviewer. Vampire Hunter D is such a film, despite having a small but vocal following. It contains little more than shock value, excessive gore, awkward animation, and other such B movie related problems. If Ed Wood had lived to see this atrocity, he would have eaten his heart out. Vampire Hunter D is notable for a few reasons other than its awfulness. It was one of the earliest anime films to be made for the OVA (Original Home Video) market and also one of the first anime titles made available to US audiences on home media. Vampire Hunter D is based on a manga of the same name by Hideyuki Kikuchi which follows the exploits of a half-human half-vampire ( 'dhampire') bounty hunter who is hired to kill corrupt vampire lords in a post apocalyptic future.

Although the plot has interesting enough sounding set up, it is executed very poorly. Vampire Hunter D opens with Doris Lang, the teenage daughter of a deceased werewolf hunter, patrolling the countryside. Doris (who wears so little clothing that she could be mistaken as Sailor Moon's slutty older sister) is suddenly attacked by Count Magnus Lee when she intrudes his territory. Doris manages to get away, but is bitten by the lustful Count who plans on making her his new bride. (There is a major plot hole here: If the Count really wanted Doris, couldn't he have just taken her immediately to his castle?) To make matters worse, Doris is also being courted by the town's resident sleaze, Gerco Rohman, and she and her younger brother, Dan, are ostracized when her bite marks are discovered. Fortunately, Doris receives help from the mysterious horseman D, who promises to protect her and prevent Magnus Lee from abducting her on the next full moon.

From here on out, the storyline begins to fall apart and tediously repeat itself. Doris, who is initially introduced as a street smart, competent fighter, is quickly reduced to the tired distressed damsel role. She is kidnapped then rescued, kidnapped then rescued, kidnapped...over and over again. All of the horror cliches are here, oddly mixed with western cowboy fare and science fiction. Count Magnus Lee looks like a Godfather wannabe and his minions resemble punk rockers. Gratuitous gore is shown when D kills his enemies, spurting blood everywhere, but it fails to entrain or be truly 'scary.' D is often shown to be way more powerful than any of his enemies, making everything about this film all the more predictable. Really, Vampire Hunter D leaves the audience either repulsed or bored more than anything else.

Take it from Doris, real vampires don't sparkle.

As this OVA was made on a seemingly tight budget, it suffers artistically which only becomes more and more apparent as Vampire Hunter D ages. The only nicely drawn thing in this film is its atmospheric backgrounds which certainly help heighten its bleak and often disturbing mood. The character designs are decent but unoriginal at best, and lack the sophistication of the manga's original artwork. At worst, certain characters just come off looking comically stupid. The animation itself is very poor, being constantly off model, choppy, or disproportionately drawn. Vampire Hunter D's sound effects are poorly synchronized and its soundtrack is very dated. It's not 'so retro that its cool again' dated, its just dated... Badly dated. (If you hate your ears and eyes, watch the trailer.)

The eerie backgrounds are one of the few things good about this movie.

Its inconsistent and sloppy character animation are the least of its problems.

The side characters in Vampire Hunter D are consistently annoying, stereotypical, or flat. Dan, Doris's kid brother, is particularly problematic. He does not add anything to the plot. His only purposes seem to be acting cute and providing comic relief that fails to be funny. Whenever he tries to solve things himself, Dan is only captured or held hostage. Dan's relationship with his sister is never deeply developed nor is he properly introduced to the audience. Frankly, if Dan died nobody watching this movie would have really cared. Another obnoxious and unexplained presence is D's living left hand. This left hand has a face and regularly talks with D when he is brooding over something when no one else is around. The left hand also posses the ability to fight off enemies by sucking in air and can reattach itself to D if it is cut off from his arm. The writers apparently ran out ideas.

D possesses a symbiote wise cracking left hand...for reasons unexplained.   

Instead focusing on trying to 'look cool', generating camp value, and showing off how many gallons of blood can get past the censors, Vampire Hunter D should have focused more on creating memorable personalities and relatable character interactions. Even successful horror films need these elements. Is there anything good about this movie? Well, a few of the film's subplots were slightly promising and likely could have been developed more if this movie had a more competent director. Doris's doomed relationship with D could have provided some merit if it were given more screen time. Doris was one of the few people who actually trusted D despite his mixed heritage, but D had to restrain any thoughts of romance in order to prevent giving in to his vampiric side of nature. Likewise, Count Lee's daughter, Lamica, is an interesting character. She constantly called out her father for not acting as a proper aristocratic vampire should. Ironically, towards the end of the film, Lamica learns that she too is a half-breed dhampire, and is left torn between her loyalties to Lee and D. Unable to deal with the shock of her discovery, Lamica chooses to die alongside her father as the Count's castle crumbles to dust.

However, the negative aspects of Vampire Hunter D far outweigh any of its positive factors. They prevent the OVA any chance of redeeming itself in the eyes of the viewer. Almost everything in this film reflects all the negative stereotypes that are often unjustly associated with many other animes: nonsensical plotlines, crappy animation, 'adult themes' that fail to be intellectually mature, unnecessary nudity, graphic violence, and so on. Do yourself a favor. Avoid this film. Avoid it at all costs.  

Count Lee, the audience sympathies with your disgust and boredom. 

Rating: 1/5

About the Dub: It's laughably bad which is probably because the dub was done by the infamous Carl Macek of the now defunct Streamline Pictures. Although the original Japanese voice work was nothing to write home about, it was tolerable. The English 1990s dub is a rather different story. Dan sounds like he was voiced by a middle aged British lady, Lamica has a terrible fake Romanian accent, and many of the other voices sound like nails grating on a chalkboard. To make matters worse, much of the original dialogue was changed for the dub, watered down, or plagued with lame jokes. But then again, given how terrible this movie is the dub seems appropriate in an ironic sort of way.

The 10 Stupidest Mockbusters EVER

Mockbusters are the bootleg equivalents of the movie world, except that they manage to tightrope around legal accusations. They exploit the ignorance of certain moviegoers (parents who don't care what their kids watch, senile grandmothers, etc) into buying knockoff versions of blockbusters. Most mockbusters are released around the same time a popular film is in theaters or just before it hits the home video market. They are cheaply made and often have little to do with the film they are piggybacking save for the basic premise. Unfortunately, mockbusters are doing better than ever due to sites such as Netflix and Hulu.

Just how bad are they? Well....they are often reviewed by shows such as Mystery Science Theater 3000 and are quickly becoming more infamous than B movies, which should set off red flags. So to inform people of the awfulness of mockbusters, here are ten of the worst I have had the (dis)pleasure of watching. 'Enjoy!'

10. Tappy Toes 

Happy Feet was already a cliche enough film about preachy, singing penguins. This movie doesn't even have an IMB page, presumably to keep people from leaving bad reviews on it. Brought to you from the 'brilliant' company, Renegade Animation (which states on its website to bring you "smart, funny, and always original" productions), Tappy Toes is not even what it appears to be on the cover. The film is not done in CGI, but animated in cheaply in Flash. It is about a dancing penguin who is raised by two Skua Birds who eat their own boogers. Seriously. 

9. Age of the Hobbits

Technically, this movie has been renamed Clash of the Empires because it actually sounded similar enough to Peter Jackson's film to provoke a lawsuit. Given that it was released by The Asylum, this perhaps is not too surprising. The company's founder David Michael Latt once said, 

 "I'm not trying to dupe anybody. I'm just trying to get my films watched. Other people do tie-ins all the time; they’re just better at being subtle about it. Another studio might make a giant robot movie that ties into the Transformers release and call it Robot Wars. We’ll call ours Transmorphers."

What an honest man! His vast insights sure make appreciate the artistry and acting in Age of the Hobbits a lot more!

8. Ratatoing

Video Brinquedo is the Brazilian animation equivalent of The Asylum. All of its productions bare an uncanny resemblance to several Dreamworks, Disney, and Pixar films. Ratatoing is perhaps the most infamous of all due to its awkward dialogue and very bad animation. So much so, that it was even parodied on a Cartoon Network show. Currently, Ratatoing has a three percent approval rate on Rotten Tomatoes. Impressive. 

7. The Little Panda Fighter

The Little Panda Fighter is another Video Brinquedo monstrosity. Instead of wanting to become a kung fu panda, however, this one wants to be ballerina... and spends much of his time creepily staring at the audience like on the box art above. He also fights an evil Care Bear at one point. One thing is for sure, after watching this film, anyone can learn to better appreciate the animation that comes out of well known studios (and how they avoid the uncanny valley). 

6. Kiara the Brave

Don't be fooled. This movie has very little at all to do with the similarly named Pixar film. It is actually an Indian film called Super K repackaged to look like Brave. The plot follows a boy with superpowers and his quest to save the galaxy. Too bad for all the little girls who were hoping to see a movie about a plucky princess! The Youtube tailer has its comments disabled, so they can not even voice their disappointment. 

5. Life's a Jungle

Here is film which in no way resembles Madagascar! Still not convinced? Well, it comes with a free downloadable activity kit. Also, here's a fun game kids! Let's play how to spot the uncanny valley again! Note: We are not responsible for any nightmares this production may cause. 

4. The Secret of Mulan

Disney's Mulan and Pixar's A Bugs Life came out during the same year. So somebody decided to release a cartoon with both of them combined. In this version, Caterpillar Mulan fights an evil Hun cockroach and must win the affection of a butterfly prince. The screenwriter's credits include the likes of Jem, Dork Hunters from Outer Space, and Kong: The Animated Series. 

3. Sunday School Musical

What's worse than High School Musical? The Asylum's Sunday School Musical! Made on the high budget of $8,100, it is guaranteed to offend Christians everywhere. Critics on IMDB are saying, "If a movie is still awful drunk, you know it's a bad film" and, "It's a good laugh if you can appreciate it for what it is - total crap".   

2. The Amazing Bulk

Easily the most unintentionally hilarious mockbuster on this list, The Amazing Bulk fails on every level to be scary or suspenseful. It's a hybrid between a superhero story and Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. The producers were so lazy that all of the CGI props stick out like a sore thumb and the green screen is the worst in a motion picture that I have ever seen. Don't get me started on the acting. It looks like a parody on Saturday Night Live. 

Prepare to laugh or cry, you cannot escape the horribleness of this movie. 

1. Titanic the Animated Movie (Both Versions)

The two animated Titanic movies have become semi-legendary on the internet due to how absolutely bonkers they are. The first one, Titanic: The Legend Goes on, involves a rapping dog, Yiddish mice, and love interests that have about three lines of dialogue a piece. The second, The Legend of the Titanic, is even worse. Here the titanic is not sunk by an iceberg, but by gangster sharks and a giant octopus. It also has dolphins that can communicate with people by crying moonbeams. In both versions, none of the characters die except for the villains. This is so insulting to all of those who died on the real Titanic. It would be like if Disney decided to make an Anne Frank movie.

There is a rapping dog on the Titanic. This is the real tragedy. 

Lupin the Third: The Mystery of Mamo (Review)

Director: Soji Yoshikawa
Company: TMS Entertainment
Year: 1978
Country: Japan

Fujiko isn't impressed, Lupin, and neither are the critics.

The first Lupin the Third film was only released a year before The Castle of Cagliostro, but is vastly different. It may be more loyal to Monkey Punch's comics, but it is certainly not as well executed as Cagliostro. The movie opens with Inspector Zenigata investigating Lupin's execution, but it turns out the body is a clone. The real Lupin later tries to flirt with Fujiko, his on-and-off romantic interest. Fujiko is not fooled by his antics (its obvious he just wants to get it on with her). She feigns interest in order to steal the Philosopher's Stone off of him. Then she delivers it to her mysterious benefactor named Mamo, but the stone Lupin gave her turns out being fake. Lupin is eventually captured and brought to an island where Mamo is holding Fujiko captive.

This where the movie starts to get really weird. Mamo is the most bizarre and underwhelming villain one could possible think up. He is a blue-skinned dwarf who clones various specimens of extinct species and deceased famous historical figures. Mamo is obsessed with living forever and wants to create an ideal world were only he, and few other people he deems worthy, can live in. Fujiko tires to convince him that Lupin is worth saving, but Mamo is not convinced. (Mamo is obviously quite jealous of Fujiko's and Lupin's relationship.) Lupin and his friends manage to escape, but Fujiko is captured again. Lupin and his allies must rescue Fujiko and stop Mamo's devious scheme. 

This is our villain, a blue dwarf in a wig. Sorry no refunds.

This film has several issues. The villain, as mentioned before, is not very believable and either comes off as laughable or as an old pervert. Is Mamo really so deprived that he has monitor Fujiko on a video camera while she bathes? (Either that or else some of the animators are also perverts.) His motivation is to destroy the world in order to create a better one for himself to live in? How cliche. Then there's Fujiko. She is often a very interesting character in other incarnations of Lupin the Third. However, here she is captured a bit too often and comes off as weak and is even more manipulative than usual. And yes, she is supposed to be a femme fatale, but that doesn't justify constantly having her wear partially ripped outfits or the shower scene that lasts for nearly two minutes! Then there is the film's climax, where, in the twist everyone saw coming, Mamo is revealed to be a clone himself. The real Mamo is then revealed to be a giant brain in a jar (Wait, what?! Who wrote this? This is supposed to be an action comedy flick, not a cheesy Sci-Fi B movie!) The brain nearly escapes on a rocket ship (I'm not making making this stuff up), but Lupin attaches a bomb to the rocket which explodes.

Fujiko, get some clothes...

What?! I didn't pay to see a surrealist film!

There are a few good things about this movie, though. For one, the character designs and art direction are a lot of fun, being very retro and off-beat. This is due to the animators following the style of the original manga more closely than usual. There are also a lot of great conversations between Lupin and Fujiko as he unsuccessfully tries to woe her. A lot of dramatic tension occurs between Lupin and his partners, Jigen and Goemon, as they try to convince him to forgot Fujiko, and they even part ways at one point. (Again, this is hardly ever seen outside of the manga). Plus, all of the chase scenes and wacky humor are often amusing.

The art style can be hilariously demented. 

Keep him away from the surveillance cameras please. 

So how can I even begin to describe this movie? The characters are well developed, for the most part, and it can be entertaining sometimes. However, the second half of the film completely switches genres and the amount of fan service from Fujiko is ridiculous. On top of all this, it's like a bad acid trip towards the end. If you want to see Lupin the Third at his best, watch the Castle of Cagliostro, not this movie. (Unless you need to find a movie for a drinking game.) Ah well, it could have been worse, at least it wasn't that pink jacket Lupin film.

Gah! Go away Pink Jacket Lupin! Nobody likes you and your horrid animation!

Rating: 2/5*


*About the Dub: It's terrible and it definitely does not make this movie seem any better. Most of the voice actors are way too loud or obnoxious, killing any subtlety that was in the original Japanese. One of the worst offenders is Zenigata, who speaks in very bellicose manner and ends comes off even stupider than he is supposed to appear. Lupin's voice actor, Tony Oliver, is ok, but can come off a bit too shrill or cartoony at times (then again Lupin is very goofy in this film). The only other voice actor that does a decent job is....uh....Well, they all tend to grind on your ears at some point.